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I pulled out my pepper spray, started stomping, and screamed.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
I left civilization for a day. Drove to a place at the end of Malibu where there’s no service or people. Where you see one person in 5 hours kind of place. Hung up a hammock. Ate a soggy pot roast sandwich and a bag of Sun Chips.
Still getting ahead of myself.
I sat in a hot car finishing a conference call outside of REI so I could get some replacement hammock straps. I already had 4 calls by mid morning and I casually thought to myself that if I had one more call today I might smash my phone and start driving north.
When I feel like this it usually means I need a sandwich and no cell phone service.
“I really recommend the baguette with the pot roast,” said the sandwich artist.
“But,” I asked, “can you do it on ciabatta?”
I liked his earnestness, but also I wanted what I wanted.
“Well, I mean, I can do it on anything, but I recommend the baguette because you get a nice crunch when you dip it,” he said.
I put on my best no nonsense face, looked him straight in the eyes and said, “But I’m not going to dip it.” He stared at my eyes back. “You’re not… going to dip… your sandwich? Do you know what au jus is?”
“Yeah it’s beef juice,” I said, “but unless your pot roast is beef jerky there’s no need to dip something slow cooked in beef juice back into beef juice.”
He was actually really nice, and as I waited I ate some of their free popcorn that was flavored with Parmesan and dill. “Weird,” I thought as I munched on it, and wondered if I should make some at home.
I drove into the canyon, no phone bars, green enveloping. This area burned down a few years ago, maybe that’s why no one visits. But the oaks that looked dead have leaves again and the grasses and wildflowers have regrown.
I hiked out to the overlook, hung my hammock, ate my meal. It took a couple hours for my mind to slow down to the speed of my surroundings. It didn’t slow fast enough, so I popped a backup xany.
I brought a book (Miyazaki’s Starting Point) and expected to read but I hardly did. Mostly I just stared at the trees above me, the ocean below. I thought a lot and journaled.
After a while an older couple made it up to the overlook. “You made it!” I said, genuinely surprised. He had a Cuban fedora hat and was dressed rather stylish for a man hiking. He carried a vintage film camera. “We don’t want to disturb you,” he said, “just want to get a shot.”
We chatted for a bit, as you do when you haven’t seen anyone for a few hours on a trail.
He pointed to the tree that grew between a boulder and split it. I pointed to a hidden waterfall if you went further over the rocks. He pointed to Catalina Island, San Nicolas Island, Channel Islands. His wife pointed to my hammock, asking how I got it up. I pointed to the tree, that I climbed to loop the ropes. He pointed to the lake, where he “saw a beautiful water snake with green stripes.” And then he pointed down to the ocean, and told me about a beach that was as empty as this place. “Very people know about it,” he said, “I highly recommend it.”
We discussed mountain lions. “A man died earlier this year from an attack,” he said. “Yeah…” I replied, “I want to see one, but you know, also I don’t. Then again, if I have to die, it might as well be at the claws of a giant cat.”
A couple hours later I was walking back to my car and saw a huge dog in front of me. Weird that I didn’t hear it, plus dogs aren’t allowed on this trail. Then I realized it was too big to be a dog.
I’ve been to a lot of places where I haven’t seen humans for a while — I remember one glorious day in Moab when I couldn’t hear anything but the insects and dead quiet — but in all these years, this is the first time I’ve seen a mountain lion. And I would have enjoyed it if I wasn’t terrified.
It sprang into the bushes in a huge leap, and I fumbled out my pepper spray. I was stomping, making noise, sounding like an idiot. Even though the odds were small, I still didn’t want to become this cat’s dinner. I haven’t loved enough, seen enough, or signed the paperwork for freezing my head yet.
I ended up going to the beach and seeing the couple again. I don’t think they believed I actually saw a mountain lion. “Wow, I can’t believe you said you saw a mountain lion” … feels suspiciously like there’s an asterisk attached.
I walked down the beach barefoot, saw an influencer in the wild sitting under a beach shower with a red umbrella mouthing the words to her new song. LA.
When I came back to my car, there was a nice note with 2 CD’s from my new friends. Ends up he was a musician.
I don’t have a CD player.
Nobu magically had an opening for a 7:45, so I invited Emily and we ate overpriced sushi in my scrubby hiking clothes, celebrating living another day.
The next morning I woke up and didn’t want to drive away.
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Quick hits
Year of the challenge (or, the tyranny of friendship) by Moxie Marlinspike
I visit Moxie’s site every now and again to see if he’s posted anything new. I’m super drawn to him — he’s this anarchist hacker entrepreneur who created Signal and had one his companies acquired by Twitter and became the head of security. He’s also an adventurer, sailor, cryptographer, and a fantastic writer. He’s unable to print boarding passes in the US and has been detained by federal agents trying to get access to his devices. Legend says he sleeps in abandoned houses and on rooftops. He’s like some kind of CEO cowboy. Listen, we all need heroes.
So when I saw he posted a new blog of course I read it: it’s about how his group of friends gave each OTHER New Year’s resolutions. Oh, and if they don’t do it, they lose a pinky. I wonder how? Yeah, he’s crazy and sensational, but I mean does this intro not hook you:
This past year, I found myself sneaking into a freight train yard with a libertarian one morning at sunrise. I also found myself camped on impossibly remote alpine peaks scattered across British Columbia and Alaska that were so beautiful they would each have a national park dedicated to them in the continental US. I dealt head-on with the type of bureaucracy that I otherwise habitually avoid. I spent a long month taking care of dogs. I consumed enough psilocybin in one dose to know that I don't need to take any more. I waded into the strange and occasionally shady world of totaled vehicle auctions, and bought a wrecked Tesla from a car graveyard in Cleveland that ended up almost burning down my friend's garage.
Searching for Susy Thunder by Claire L. Evans
Speaking of hackers, here’s an essay about one of the early female “phreakers” (that is, hackers who specialize in telephone attacks). She was an accomplice to Kevin Mitnick and Lewis DePayne and would later turn them in. I read it in one sitting. I love this schtuff.
moneymarket.fun - a tool to find low-fee low-risk ETF funds that outperform savings accounts. Even says what brokerages they plug into. This is especially great for corporate savings structures, where there aren’t great savings account options.
Art Vee. Browse and download high-resolution, public domain paintings, posters and illustration. This would have been handy back when I was designing puzzles. Now I would just do AI art puzzles. Wait, why am I not doing that?
It’s sequins, not sequence. Does everyone know this but me?!? I was trying to create cool kids shoes in AI and couldn’t get what I wanted so I looked it up, and no wonder. I kept typing “sequence” when I meant “sequins.”
Speaking of AI here some of my product creations this week:
If you’ve seen a mountain lion and survived, reply me.
Josh
PS: Annnnd here’s my AI fail of the week:
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